The genius of Sherlock Holmes was
seeing the pattern that wasn't there – recognizing that the dog
didn't bark, but should have, that something was missing from the
clutter of the room, etc. It turns out that is a devilishly difficult
thing to do: Our minds place the available information into patterns,
but gloss over anything that isn't readily handy. Researchers have
shown that we can regularly find a pattern in a sequence of numbers
or shapes, but seldom do we recognize a pattern in the missing
numbers or shapes.
Not only do we seldom see these
patterns, but due to the way our minds work on available information,
we even less frequently notice when we have blindly omitted even
considering the holes. This crops up in our everyday interactions and
conversations, in the ways we view ourselves and others.
Listening to a group conversation
yesterday, I was struck by how this mechanism blinds us to
possibilities for how others think and feel, for what may motivate
them. Instead of recognizing that they didn't have the information
about others' motivations and desires, and taking that into account,
it was almost universally common for the various speakers to assume
that the others either didn't have motivations or desires, or their
motivations and desires were only of the most basest sort.
If we stop and consider, however, it
doesn't make sense that only we have positive motivations, desires,
hopes, fears, biases, and that our motivations, desires, etc. are
unique and not universally shared by the majority of those we
recognize as human. Truly, this is the key to thinking
empathetically: To believe and then think and act as though those
around us have dreams, just like us; that they have fears, just like
us; that they have motivations and desires, just like us. That where
we have found our lives shaped by forces outside of our control,
perhaps they, too, have had their lives buffeted and diverted, not by
lack of motivations or dreams, but in spite of them.
We are quick to give ourselves a pass
when the outcome of our lives doesn't match the inputs we've made: We
know the details, both of what motivated us and what outside
influences either helped or hindered our achieving our goals. But we
are equally quick, since this intimate information is seldom
available about others we see, to assume that the lack of information
is proof of lack, and that those others are deficient in those
qualities, rather than realizing the truth: We just don't know.
Upon reflection, I often wonder if my
own motivations and desires would by themselves be insufficient for
achievement, if it weren't for the influences and stabilizing forces
of the people in my life. If it wasn't for those who looked to me to
provide education, shelter, and love; if it wasn't for those who
looked for my advice and valued my experience in my job or my
community; if it wasn't for those who demanded that I be a good
friend and a good example; would I be all that I am?
So I give thanks today for all of those
people who have shaped and guided my life, for those who have taught
me and those he needed my teaching, for both change me. Thanks for
those who have loved me, and those who have requested my love, for
one is not complete without the other. Thanks for those whom I have
needed, who have consoled me, encouraged me, and challenged me; and
for those who have needed and accepted my consoling, my
encouragement, and my challenges to them.
And I encourage you to consider that
the success in your life is likely due to the richness of the people
surrounding you; to the quiet, often unspoken motivation living up to
their expectations places upon you and aids you; and overall, to
think empathetically, to become aware of the lack of information you
have about those who are struggling, and rather than discount their
internal processes, consider that perhaps the determining forces are
external, that they could be more if only they had a rich network of
people and community. Just as those external forces awaken
motivations and dreams in us and alleviate our fears, the less
successful others in our community have motivations and dreams, and
rather than condemning them by failing to recognize that we
don't have the proper information, we need to consider always that
they may not be so different from us.
Modern research may have illuminated
the mechanism and given it a name, but the ancients knew and
understood it well, and crafted a simple reminder to overcome this
availability bias. So, today, as we bow our heads in humility at what
we have gained during our lives, I remind you to retain the humility
for the knowledge you don't have, and to remember:
“Judge not an individual
until you have first walked a mile in their shoes.”
