So much of what we do is driven by extrinsic reward - do your homework to get good grades (and your parent's and teacher's praise), practice your skills (again, for praise and attentions), do your job (for the money). In a recent book club book, Outliers, by Malcom Gladwell, he pointed out that those who achieve the very highest levels of skill do so because they are able to replace extrinsic motivation for intrinsic (internal) motivation: They start doing the activity for the sheer pleasure that they derive. This internal motivation enables them to concentrate and practice for long periods - much longer than those who are just extrinsically motivated. And there is nothing like lots of extra practice to perfect a skill.
So, naturally, as parents, we want to provide motivations to our children that will ultimately lead to their developing intrinsic motivations. Unfortunately, most of what we know is to reward or bribe (Do this, and I'll give you something you want.)
I don't recall how I ran across her website, but Dr. Christine Carter has some good ideas driven by research on how that may be accomplished. And since a co-worker and I were speaking on this topic today, here is a link to her post on ways to motivate without extrinsic reward.
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